Look at human statues, for example. They barely move, and yet all-too-frequently have the temerity to expect payment for their efforts! Piss easy.
Being the bass player in the Stereo MCs is also an incredibly easy job. The bassline of 'Connected' contains, literally, one note (an F#), repeated about 500 times. Again, an absolute pissing piece of pissy piss.
A far more challenging task, however, is working out the podium finishes in the Pub of the Year. Believe me, I've spent many sleepless nights staying up weighing up the merits of each pub, trying to work out who should come where in the pecking order and listening to Stereo MCs.
But the wait is over. It's time to reveal the top five pubs in London and crown the 2013-2014 winner!
Decisions, decisions, hurts like incisions...To be honest, the winner this year is a tight, frothy head above the competition and the destination of the lovely PotY trophy was never in serious doubt. But with so many pubs tied on seven stars, ranking the others and deciding who does and who doesn't make the top five has been harder than I could possibly imagine, and someone always has to lose out.
|Glass half empty? Not for the Craft Beer Co?|
So, in fifth place, it's last year's runner-up, the Craft Beer Company in Islington. Not the last time you'll be hearing that name either.
Fourth place goes to the Catford Constitutional, a sort of spiritual successor to last year's winner, and home to possibly the best pub food in the capital as well as awesome beers.
In third, one of the smallest and most unique places to drink, but one of my favourites, it's the Rake in Borough, punching well above its weight. Like that time Prince Naseem Hamed knocked out Lennox Lewis (except that the Rake is a thing that actually happened, which is good!)
These are all stunning, well-run pubs, excellent in their own unique ways, and if I was a mousey, Guardian-reading nursery school teacher with a scary psychopathic boyfriend, I'd probably be jabbering on about how, in a sense, they're all winners.
But who actually won?In a display of serious territorial dominance over the London beer scene, the Craft Beer Company in Clapham takes the runner-up spot, and so, for a second time, the Craft Beer Company, Clerkenwell is the winner!
|Only one name can go on the trophy|
As for the Clerkenwell branch - the original and, evidently, still the best CBC - it's been consistently awesome this year, with manager Robbie seemingly on a mission to be the best of the best of the best.
The beer choice is vast, the quality is superb, the staff know some serious shit about beer. They won the inaugural PotY award for a reason, and they've won it again this year for exactly the same reasons, only now they've expanded their empire and show no sign of slowing down.
Three pubs in the top five this year - could it be five out of five next time? Will I have to introduce some sort of draconian anti-monopoly rule to the contest just to prevent it being five out of five next time?
I told you this wasn't an easy job...
Congratulations guys, keep up the awesome work!